How to embrace your power and goal
The third area for personal development work is to notice where youíre giving your power away, and begin to reclaim your power. Itís time to stop making excuses, stop blaming others, and accept the full consequences of what it will take to achieve your goal.
Suppose you want to have a threesome (sexually). Obviously there are plenty of people on the planet who are willing to engage in this, so itís certainly possible for you to have such an experience if youíre willing to do what it takes to make it a reality. Itís certainly not that difficult action-wise. Ask enough people, and youíll get some yeses. Arrange a time to get together, and have fun.
And yet despite the simplicity of this goal, you can massively overcomplicate it if you give your power away.
Suppose you ask your current partner, and she says no. You can blame her for being a stick in the mud, or you can try to convince her (a form of force), but youíll probably end up with a bad experience if you go that route.
You can also accept your partnerís no and learn to live without the threesome. But if this is a strong desire for you, then this will only build resentment. Settling for less than you desire certainly wonít lead to greater happiness and fulfillment. It may appear to be a more socially acceptable choice in some circumstances, but thatís just another instance of your feeding your power to something that blocks you (the delusion of being socially accepted by others in this case).
The deeper inner work is to ask, Why am I with a partner who doesnít naturally want the same things I do? Why am I settling for less than I desire? Why am I being so clingy with someone who wants different experiences than I do?
To make the threesome real (not merely a fantasy), this inner work has to be done. These apparent conflicts need to be resolved. You have to learn to use your power to feed your desires, not obstacles.
If you were already a strong match for having threesomes, you could make one happen this week, perhaps even today. I know someone who claims to have had 500+ threesomes. For him itís a fun but also an easy thing to experience. He can go out and make it happen with two women he just met, and he certainly doesnít look like a swimsuit model. While most people block such an experience from happening, he directs his power to creating the experiences he wants to have.
I hope you can see that logistically, this really isnít that difficult of a goal. The action steps are pretty basic, mostly involving some communication. But if your vibe isnít a good match for such an experience, then it may appear to be virtually impossible for you. It will seem like the external world is opposing you, but that isnít the case at all. Your own vibe is whatís creating the mismatch. If you adjust your vibe enough, the goal becomes easy and straightforward. It may even happen on its own without your having to ask.
Achieving stretch goals requires fixing the magnets that arenít turned the right way. This includes dropping limiting beliefs and false assumptions, dumping disempowering relationships, and letting go of excuses and blame. If you avoid this inner growth work and try to jump ahead to cause-and-effect action steps, youíll simply orbit your goal.
Do the Personal Growth Work
Once youíve identified the personal growth work you must go through in order to become a match for your goal, then get busy working on it. If youíre conscious about it, you can compress lessons that would otherwise take years into a few months or weeks, creating big shifts in a short period of time.
There are tons of methods you can use to do this personal growth work. This website is filled with them. Here are some examples:
- Journal to gain new insights (contrast the old vibe with the new one).
- Have deep conversations with people who are intelligent and aware.
- Meditate on feelings of gratitude and appreciation.
- Keep visualizing yourself as already there; feel it as real.
- Disconnect from people who arenít a match for your goal.
- Join a club that will help you align your vibe with your goal.
- Move to a new city thatís a better match for your goal.
- Replace the books on your bookshelf with books that match the new vibe.
- Donate possessions that arenít a good match for the new vibe.
- Catch yourself giving your power away, and reclaim it by directing it back towards your desires.
- When someone says no to your desires, say no to that aspect of your relationship with them (or to the whole relationship, if necessary).
- Create new empowering belief statements to replace old limiting beliefs.
- Hang out regularly with people who can naturally help you align with your goal (i.e. people who inspire you in that direction).
- Intend and expect to reach your goal.
- Use the word ďwhenĒ instead of ďifĒ when talking about your goal.
- Blog about your goal or talk about it publicly (this will reveal mismatching relationships and help attract compatible connections too).
- Conduct experiments like 30-day trials to immerse yourself in the experience of a new vibe.
- Change your diet, clothes, etc. to eat, dress, and live as if youíre already there.
- Put up pictures or other inspirational messages that represent the new vibe.
- Read books written by others who emit a vibe thatís compatible with your goal.
- Go to lectures, workshops, seminars, and retreats that will help immerse you in the new vibe.
- Forgive people whoíve wronged you, and release the hurt and resentment.
I think you get the idea. The exact processes you use here arenít that important. Last year I went to a talk where Joe Vitale asked everyone in the room (a room full of professional speakers and authors) to shout out their favorite personal growth processes. He had two people writing them down on a large white board. Within 10 minutes the board was completely filled, and they still kept going by writing over the previous items. This drove home the point that there are countless ways to do inner work.
Use your favorite three-letter acronym process. Get therapy. Poke yourself with your finger a few times. Go to Sedona and consult with the vortex aliens. Whatever. The specific process doesnít matter. What works best for me may not work at all for you, and vice versa. The important thing is that the processes you use are helping you become a match for your goal. Donít stick with a process that isnít giving you results.
Results in this area may involve a lot of inner processing, but they should still create tangible effects. For many years Iíve wanted to travel a lot more. But I didnít have the right vibe for a travel-rich lifestyle. I had limiting beliefs about how difficult it would be to make travel a regular part of my life. I had home-centric relationships that didnít support a travel-rich lifestyle. I gave my power away to reasons (i.e. excuses) for why I couldnít travel as much as I wanted to. I did some serious inner work to resolve those blocks, and as I did this, travel began showing up in my life very easily. Now it seems normal and natural to travel often. Two weeks ago I was in Canada. This week I spent a couple days in Sedona (consulting with the vortex aliens, no less). And next week Iíll be in New Orleans. Travel has become an easy and natural part of my life. It took some inner work to integrate the frequent traveler vibe, but Iíd say itís pretty well integrated now. I like being a travel slut.
When youíve integrated the new vibe well enough (perfection isnít necessary), youíll find that the right actions begin to flow with ease. It feels natural and casual. Thereís little or no resistance. When you want to experience something thatís aligned with your vibe, you just create it. Itís no more difficult than making a meal.
Now hereís the rub. The personal growth work will not be easy. It may be very challenging. But this is the area where youíll make the fastest progress when working towards goals that you arenít already a good match for experiencing. Once you resolve the alignment issues, the goal almost takes care of itself. You wonít have to worry so much about problems like procrastination and self-sabotage.
If you want to get through this part faster, read my book Personal Development for Smart People. It covers the 7 fundamentals of personal growth and how to speed up the process, regardless of what type of goal youíre trying to achieve. Iíve alluded to 3 of those 7 principles in this article. For the others I have to refer you to the book because it would take way too long to explain them properly in an article (and this one is already pushing 8000 words). A full book was necessary to do this topic justice.
Our aim behind xHow2.com is to straighten old and new beliefs in the world of self-help. We give forward and directive steps on how to carry a successful life, relationships, social life, public etc. We have been empowering and giving tips to both married and unmarried people on how to build successful relationships and on the other hand understanding their feelings and getting rid of unwanted ones.